Most of us who are married have been there. Sharing a nice conversation with another couple and the wife or husband criticizes the other spouse or makes a little dig towards the other. You don't really know how to react, you feel embarrassed, so most of the time you just offer up a little nervous laugh.
Or maybe you are the spouse who has criticized or was criticized in front of others. Little jokes or digs can make big holes in a marriage relationship. Parents of teenagers, I believe, find more opportunity for these types of encounters. As a parent you are balancing being older, but trying to appear hip or younger. This often comes out in our conversations.
One of the joys of having a teenager is they understand joking and they offer up their own jokes. I have found myself laughing hysterically with some comment one of my sons made. But as parents we need to be an example of the fine line between joking and criticizing. We do this by not criticizing or making digs towards the other spouse in public. Many offer up the excuse, "I was only teasing you; you know I was not serious." Joking, more often times leads to hurt feelings and leaves people around you feeling uncomfortable.
There are times you need to criticize your spouse, or confront them on something. Forethought, along with a private place and time is what is needed. The best method to implement is the "Five to One" Rule.
* For every criticism you feel you need to tell your spouse about the relationship, think of five positive comments to mention before the negative ones.
* Uplift your spouse with your words when you are in public, and be sensitive when approaching them in private.
* If you have a spouse that hurts you with their comments, go to them in private and tell them how you feel.
I guarantee you, if you only speak positive towards your husband in public the chances he will do the same greatly increases.
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